Month: January 2020

I have multiple windows to the outside world. One of them is through the Internet. That window gives ample of room for communication having highly varying nature. There are channels for slow and fumbling dialogues filled with insight and mutual humility. I feel good when I experience this kind of communication.

There are also channels for the exact opposite; driven disrespectful communication at a high pace and with limited space for reflection. Often I get sucked into this way of communicating. I allow myself being seduced. I end up with something that gives me pain. What do I do to avoid becoming addicted and irrevocably hurting myself? Do I pull out the “internet cord” and become a monk? Would that solve the problem? To me it would be too drastic. If I did, I would never be able to build myself any clever skill in facing today’s media. Yesterday’s media I think I handle better.

I wrote for an audience, to increase my consciousness and to improve my ability to concentrate. I went on doing so for 60 years. I learned to handle grains of mental dust by encapsulating them in words. I switched from handwriting to typing on a computer keyboard. I pushed myself to deliver more than 500 words a day. I did so for 1600 days. I was proud. After all, I have delivered near to 1,2 million words lately.

Then, I encountered a ”wall of bricks”! Some bricks, I could not remove. That was a year ago. I eagerly hope I am recovering. To be specific, those major bricks were:

1. Do I write for an audience?
2. Did my consciousness increase?
3. Conscious of what?
4. What roles do my consciousness play?
5. For what did I improve my ability to concentrate?
6. For what did I blind myself?
7. Do my words say something?
8. What to they tell to whom?
9. Did shifting to typing affect my writing style positively?

To me, these nine questions are hard ones. I have no answers to them. And I mistrust my capacity to deliver solutions. Specifically, I distrust those quick and ego-centred solutions I tend to provide. I better direct the questions to the core of my soul and remain patient. That is, waiting long enough for answers. I have to put “my analytical intellect” on hold. It does not work properly when applied to the questions given above