This morning the activities in my mind hover above the overall view of what I do. I ponder on the fact that they frequently do so. My attempts are to identify what I seem to be doing and judge the value of what I see. I use to end up with a simple answer of yes or no, accept or deny. Moving forward the same old way or blaming myself for doing so. I realize I base my choice solely on my references and capacities.
At this time in my morning flow, I recall having proceeded totally in my private chateaux of words. A seemingly well-defended building in which I reside. I feel safe but lonely and want to let someone in, let someone be important. Many individuals exist close to me physically. But, I suspect I am still “on guard” emotionally.
At this very moment, I recall the emotions from yesterday visiting the Giacometti exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art in Stockholm. During several minutes I stand in front of a single item in the show. Barely able not letting the massive multitude of statues to distract me. Now, I recall that single statue and my memory of that single moment. I sense something I have not experienced before and for which I have no words. And I succeed in not catching some noun and pin it on this event.
What am I about to tell myself at this very moment? Do I ask myself to try to peak outside my verbal defences? Yes, I assume so! Let us fo there…
Göran Stille 