Month: July 2019

For some time, I have engaged myself in writing. Time to reevaluate.

I find myself surrounded by statements about ”what to think of” and ”how to do it”. I fear I am about to lose my voice while reading this multitude of advice. I search for a voice telling me what to do. That is, what to listen to, what to take in and what to let pass.

Finally, this multitude of words and sentences about writing is piling up on me. I feel inadequate in guarding my soul. At this moment in time, I buy words, collect words, utter words and write them down. Sometimes I even read them. It is too much for me. I need to see beneath my outer shells of ambition and straight thinking! I need to focus on my ability to reconnect to my soul and make it speak!

Connect to my soul? Does this mean to connect to some primitive level in me? A level not yet able to use words. Make him express himself using an authentic voice. To what voice should I listen? This primitive one not knowing the concept of words? Or the one shuffling a lot of words the way I do?

I

What is happening with me? Right now I have contact with every muscle and bone in my body. In detail and all of them at the same time. A second ago the air around me was lukewarm and stuffy. Now it is clean and cool. It goes all the way into my toes and fingertips. Someone opened the throttle. Removed the body-sized condom that usually exist between me and the world.

This is beyond understanding. I rest without thoughts in what is. What happened just before was I retained the scary noise I sometimes give away. It has happened a few times in situations like the recent one. This time I took some deep breaths and…